UPDATED: 42/09/536
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POT OF GOLD!
LAWSUIT CLOSES THE DOORS ON BMI.

Photo by photogragher Nathan Janes

Yesterday, owner and president of BMI Manufacturing, Vellu Delenhoff announced the bankruptcy and closing of BMI after a devastating court battle over product safety. BMI creates many products, but 80% of its revenue comes from the manufacturing of plastic molded portable chemical restrooms, also referred to as port-a-jons.

Attorney Diane Yarman filed the lawsuit on behalf of Tanglewood citizen Shane Hill after being trapped in one of BMI's port-a-jons for two days. According to authorities Mr. Hill, an employee of BMI, was using one of the company's port-a-jons before his morning shift when it became unstable. The toilet fell backwards and slid down an eighteen-foot embankment where it came to rest on the door. Tanglewood Police Officer Jeanette Wheeler stated, "Mr. Hill screamed for help and tried to pry the port-a-jon open, but to no avail. The BMI port a-jon was just built to good."

FULL STORY

DEATH TOLL CONTINUES TO RISE - 11

Six new murders over the last four and a half weeks and police are currently no closer to finding the perpetrator. Officer Daniel Upton who was at the scene of the first slaying was still confident of the imminent capture of the killer. However, he could not provide us with any specifics at this time.

ENIALI-HUMAN MARRAIGE BILL

Photo by Linda Martin of couple Benny Sogu and Judith Stien

Eniali representative Hugo Sevenger sits with a large group of Eniali and Humans waiting to hear from Sutro Government officials weather they had enough signatures required to bring up a vote on changing the current law, that marriage is between one man and one woman. This has prohibited the legal courtship and marital status of mixed Human-Eniali couples.

Many of the of the conservative right are fighting hard to stop this amendment from seeing the light of day, stating this is just one more attack on the human culture that is being eroded by the Eniali. "First our genetic blood line is polluted with this alien spore and now our sanctity of marriage is under attack!" says Human Purity Coalition (HPC) acting director Alma Zoeller. "The Eniali and liberals will not be satisfied until every bit of what makes humanity great is stripped away."

League for Eniali Fair Treatment (LEFT) Director Donna Bonner, challenges Zoeller and the HPC that the very things that make humanity great are what the LEFT are trying to save. "No group should be sanctioned from love, just to satisfy the repugnant control of a group of fascists!” retorts Ms. Bonner.

In 311 the Sutro Supreme Court decided the case Mehloo Jarko vs. the SCT that any sentient being may become a Sutro Citizen. The Sutro Constitution states, "no persons shall make or enforce any law, which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of Sutro; nor shall anyone deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

Bonner, jabbing her finger in the air for emphasis retorted, "The current administration is blatantly ignoring the constitution in allowing this travesty to continue! The only part of humanity that is being stripped away is our god given Sutro rights!" Zoeller shakes her head in disgust, "I am sickened that a godless entity like the LEFT would dare speak of our savior. They know nothing of god!"

SCIENTIST MISSING FROM LAB

Sutro authorities currently have no leads to the whereabouts of exiled SCT Scientist Robert Brown, Ph.D., who disappeared from his lab five days ago and has not been seen since.


Scientist Robert Brown, Ph.D.

Police have questioned all known associates of Dr. Brown for information, but after his exile from the Sutro scientific community in 534, Dr. Brown had become somewhat reclusive and information regarding his whereabouts has been scarce. Sutro authorities say there was no sign of fowl play and many question his mental status following his public announcement of an alleged ninth planet in the Yggdrasil solar system that may end life as we know it.

Officer Kenny Bolay was quoted as saying, "This Dr. Bob doesn't seem to be the sharpest scalpel on the tray. These braincase types put themselves under so much stress that one day they just snap and go off  themselves! No big loss."

Police request that anyone with information contact their local authorities or contact Detective Mills directly at user - SCT00173MILLS.

 

CALLS FOR PEACE AND HEALING


Photo by photogragher Robert Sanford - Benutian Prime Minister addresses the world.

Benutian Prime Minister Uptoni Gudard gave an international public address to call for an end to the hostilities against Sutro by Benutian militant groups and to ask for forgiveness from the Sutro families who may have been infected by Seg in the attacks. "I do not approve of the tactics of this small percentage of our population that feel violence is the only means to solving our disagreements over Seg control,” Prime Minister Gudard stated firmly. "The Benutians have walk down the road of violence with the Sutronians in the past and achieved nothing, but more violence and bloodshed. We must pray to our gods and have them enlighten us with the path to peace!"

Unfortunately this call for peace was short lived after a retaliatory bomb was detonated at a Benutian reproduction facility killing twelve and injuring thirty. There has been no response from the Prime Minister at this time.