UPDATED: 13/09/536
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Artist rendering of possible ninth planet
in the Yggdrasil solar system.

9th PLANET, SCIENCE FACT OR SCIENCE FICTION?

The debate about the existence of a possible ninth planet continues to cause ripples of unrest in the scientific community of Sutro. Last month exiled scientist Robert Brown, Ph.D., announced his findings of an immense new planet on the outer edge of the known Yggdrasil solar system. He named this celestial body Helheim. With a new form of focused multi-beam laser scope technology, that he designed, Dr. Brown claimed he stumbled across this new planetoid while searching for mineable asteroids on the edge of the solar system.

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MAN TRAPPED IN PORTA-JON

Tanglewood resident, Shane Hill found himself in quite a predicament thursday night when he found himself trapped inside one of his company's porta-jon chemical bathrooms, (The company requested it's name not be mentioned). According to Sutro Authorities, "It seems that a couple of the company's local pranksters decided to lock Mr. Hill in the porta-jon during his morning constitutional." The Tanglewood police report noted that they proceeded to push the toilet down the side of the embankment it was resting on, as they screamed repeatedly, "Oish, oish, you stinky!".

Joshua Janes and Sung Kim are wanted for questioning in the incident. The authorities say they plan on taking a more detailed report from Mr. Hill as soon as he showers with lots of soap.


5 STAR MOVIE REVIEWS

1.
Some what tough
* * *
2.
Crunk
* * * * *
3.
The Furniture Man
* *
4.
Small Lady Bright Sol
* * * *
5.
Can't Believe My Eyes
* * *


BULWERK INC. TO OPEN BIG BOX CHAIN

Bulwerk Inc. announced today that it will start a line of discount big box stores, selling everything from spatulas to Benutian knuckle ointment at the lowest prices imaginable. President Baul-Bous Bulwerk was quoted as saying, "It's so cheap you'd think we were steal'in this crap off our competitors trucks!". When asked if he was joking?, his lawyers said, "no comment".

The store chain, presently titled...Bul-Mart, has already come up against criticism from fair wage groups who point to the historical data files of Earth that show the collapse of the one time world leader the United States. The US economy was destabilization by it's many big box stores and was for a period of time owned by China, who manufacture all the good for these same stores.


Baul-Bous Bulwerk, 04/05/528 - photograph by Mathew Clark.

 


LATEST NEWS

MAN HUNT FOR MASS MURDERER

Sutro authorities currently have a multi-city manhunt underway for a five person homicide that occurred at 8:52 pm on the 8 of September. All five victims were strangled and from evidence at the scene, authorities are positive an Ambuloris is involved.


Santa Muerte, Ambuloris wanted for questioning in murders.
Photo provided by Sutro Federal Prison #3156.
The victims had very pronounced tentacle abrasions on their necks and arms. Although, No eye-witnesses were found, and very little evidence was turned up, Officer Daniel Upton was not concerned, "with the small number of Ambuloris left on the planet the killer shouldn't be hard to track down." "We already have a suspect that we are looking into.", says officer Upton.

SEG CONTROVERSEY ON GOING

Still more terror strikes along the Sutro-Benu border after a new round of seg cleansing was was voted on and approved by the SCT (Sutro Cogitate Trust).

Shortly after the arrival of the humans and the formation of Sutro, began the cleansing programs of the HPC (Human Purity Coalition) to wipe out the seg population. When the government of Benu became aware of this initiative they began a dialog with Sutro to stop the killing of the seg and the only means of reproduction for the Benutians. The Sutro government tried to work with Benu, but their unreasonable demands left Sutro with no other choice but to continue. 77A.C Benu declared a bloody war on Sutro that would last twenty years.

This has been an insurmountable problem between the benutians and the humans for over four hundred and fifty years with both sides claiming to defend their right to reproduce. This issue has lead to war, hundreds of skirmishes and many terrorist attacks.

FULL STORY